OUTSIDE THE ARENA
A BLOG WRITTEN BY Heidi M. Foy
In April of 2019 she received her Cancer diagnosis. There are certain emotions, steps if you will, that a person goes through when hearing information such as this. Shock. Anger. I feel like they are close to the steps of getting through grief.
In early March when the COVID shutdown started, I really just wanted the time to pass quickly. The longer it lasted the more quickly I wanted it to just be over. And, now that it actually has gone super fast, we are already smack dab in the middle of the fall season...
So, here’s the trick- they are LIVE. They are real. They also have my kids in the background- well, because that is what was, and sometimes still is, going on. LIVE, is easier than pre-recorded. I can’t be me in the prerecorded scene. I can, however, be real authentic when it is live. Perhaps a little too authentic, at times. Once I got the tech down for that I got to thinking that it would be super fun to bring some type of content to this platform, too. One post from a college coach about doing an info-mercial and I was off on a whole new tangent here on BFC and that is where my passion project began.
Perhaps my biggest challenge now will be to sit back and watch her learn from someone else. She may not learn what I want or how I want, but she will be learning none the less. And, she may not even want to continue with horses. That is where I have to remind myself, whose dream is it?
One thing I noticed was that not much had changed around there- everyone comes, eats and ropes and stays to BS afterwards. Really the only thing that felt like it had changed was me. For the past several days I was saddened by this acknowledgement.
She ran to the window to see if she could see him. I did too. I realized that I felt the same way- my heart was all a flutter. My heart is happy to know what is coming for her. I can only hope that she makes a friend like I did in Frog. That she learns to trust and to love. That she experiences loss and can do it with grace. That she experiences a “Win” and can do it with grace. I have the fondest memories of spending time with my horses as a kid and look forward to watching her do it, too.
My grandpa’s birthday is on Christmas Eve and he and Granny always had the most stellar Christmas lights at their house. We always had prime rib for dinner. I remember staring out the big window awaiting the arrival of my aunt and uncle and first best friend, my cousin. It always took them forever to get here. Grandpa would make Buford the dummy roping steer look like he was pulling a life-size Santa Sleigh. There was a bell made out of lights that hung on the barn and another in the shape of a star on the house. Back then, there weren’t as many homes in the neighborhood so there were not very many lights, either.
My retirement was similar in that it wasn’t my choice. It wasn’t my choice to be done rodeoing. When it happened I didn’t realize that I was done; that it was over.
Because, let’s be honest. You never grow out of wanting to be a cowboy.
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